Seniors who are witty and sharp as a tack. Who still walk five miles a day. Who always have a nugget of hard-earned wisdom to share. Who have suffered much, but still relentlessly radiate love and positivity.
Who, with a huge smile, and mystifying levels of energy and vitality, seem to approach the final chapter of life like a kid running to the swings on their first visit to the park.
We gravitate to them, we celebrate them.
As I’ve spent time in long-term care facilities over the years, folks like that have quickly become my favorites. On return visits, I seek them out first. I ask about them when I’m not there, and I am devastated when the news is bad.
My list of beloved residents is long, and bittersweet.
People like Fran, who I refer to as my Zen master; Julie, a feisty World War II veteran; and Fernald, who fought in the Battle of the Bulge.
They amuse and inspire me; they’re mentors and friends. I grow from their wisdom, am strengthened by their optimism, feel better when we talk.
I’m incredibly grateful for the gifts they give to me — or too often, gave.
We all have favorite grandparents, favorite uncles and aunts — and even, dare I say it, favorite children.
So it stands to reason that we sometimes establish favorites among our facility residents, too, even with the best of intentions to care equally for all of those we serve.
The risk is that maybe we’re subconsciously drawn to do more for our favorites, to be more patient and attentive, to spend more quality time with them than we do with those who are not as infinitely adorable, articulate or funny.
And I suspect the seniors we most admire would probably tell us the same thing. They know that sometimes there are others who need our time and attention far more than they do.
This is not remotely a criticism, since long-term care is filled with the most obsessively compassionate staff I’ve ever encountered.
But whatever your role, even if you’re just an occasional visitor, seek out those who aren’t quite so magnetic. Give them a little more of your undiluted focus, intention and, most of all, presence.
I won’t ask you to stop playing favorites. Just do it with everyone.
From the September 2022 Issue of McKnight's Long-Term Care News
